I woke up at 5am this morning with this dream fresh in my head. Usually, at times like these, I’ll think to myself, “I need to remember this – it will make a great story.” Then I go back to sleep and when I wake up for the day, I have no recollection of the details of the dream. It just torments me because I DO remember that it would have made a great story. This morning, I wasn’t going to let that happen! I actually keyed in some reminder phrases into my phone – but of course, that woke me up enough that I couldn’t go back to sleep. And that is how I ended up on my computer at 5:20am this morning. Usually, when I dream about radio, I’m stressed in real life. In the dreams, one thing after another goes wrong and I wake up anxious and in a bad mood. This one was different.
In this dream, I was a new employee at a radio station, working the night-time shift. Actually, when the story started out, the radio station was in my bedroom (how convenient would THAT be?) and I was pissed at my husband, who was blissfully sleeping while I searched frantically for the next song that was supposed to play. This was unusual, because in most radio dreams (and in real life in radio) one is alone during the shift. It’s just you in a little room, basically talking to yourself and hoping someone is listening. Hmmm…now that I say that out loud, I realize that is pretty much my life in general – I talk — to my kids, my husband, my coworkers, even my therapist – and I hope that they listen, understand, “get me,” and accept me. Oh, and of course, do EXACTLY what I want – but sometimes that last bit is a little too much to hope for.
Anyway, I digress – the story differs in THIS dream because I hit my husband and told him to wake up and help me find the next damn song! That is unusual because I hate to ask for help. It makes me feel weak and dependent, and I felt that way one too many times in my life. I prefer to be independent and strong (my therapist is forever harping on me about this – she thinks I should be more vulnerable, ask for and accept help when needed, feel my emotions, and generally open myself up more to people. I call it the “candy bar” theory – I need to allow people to get through my “nutty”, crispy chocolaty outside layer and into my soft, gooey, sweet center (hmmm….my candy bar theory sounds vaguely pornographic…and also now I am hungry). My problem is that I don’t like to share my candy.
Oh my God! I am SO easily sidetracked!!! Back to the dream! Before I knew it, asking my husband for help had transformed the bedroom into a real radio studio — complete with several interns who were helping to find and line up music. The studio was huge – with floor to ceiling windows that showcased a beautiful view of the Denver skyline at night. I don’t know why Denver – and I’ve certainly never seen the skyline at night – but that’s where I ended up. The studio also had several massage beds, complete with a masseuse ready to relieve stress at an instant notice (if radio really had perks like that, I would still be in the business today).
I was ON FIRE! I chatted with my invisible audience, doling out humor, wisdom, and advice. I was personable and down to earth – and my many interns were super impressed, taking notes so that they could, one day, graduate to REAL radio announcers and hopefully be as good as me (I did mention this was a DREAM, right?) The only hiccup came when there was supposed to be a segueway from the Beatles “Blackbird” into “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” – but “Blackbird” faded out and the next song did not start. It was the dreaded DEAD AIR – the scourge and fear of all radio people. In my past radio stress dreams – this would be the part where I woke up in a panic, my heart beating crazily and my mood bleak and bitter for the rest of the day. But in this dream, I thought fast and calmly filled the time by telling a story about how the Beatles had once sent me a letter, thanking me for being their muse (which is pretty incredibly, since the Beatles were making their British invasion when I was still a baby). As I spoke, the opening bars of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” began to play (one of those interns is getting promoted) and I finished up with a flourish, just before John Lennon sang, “Picture yourself in a room full of strangers…” Yes, I KNOW those are not the actual lyrics – but those were my dream lyrics (and did you miss the part where I was the Beatle’s MUSE?? Those COULD have been the lyrics had they just listened to me and done EXACTLY what I wanted! But like I said, sometimes that last bit is a little too much to hope for.)
My therapist would probably have something to say about picturing myself “in a room full of strangers,” but I prefer to focus on the fact that I had a radio dream that actually ended well! Perhaps I’m making progress after all!