As I was talking to a friend on the phone the other day, she asked about my most embarrassing moment ever. I’ve had so many embarrassing moments to pick from that I paused, trying to sort through them all to pick out the MOST embarrassing. In fact, I paused for so long that my friend thought my phone had dropped the call. She jarred me back to reality a loud, “Hello? Are you still there?” and I finally had to admit my quandary. It was rather ironic that I was embarrassed that I had too MANY embarrassing moments to pick just one that was the worst.
My friend took pity on me and told me to think it over and then write about it. It wasn’t until I hung up the phone that I realized SHE had never told me HER most embarrassing moment either! That rat! She still owes me a story!
I’ve already told you about a couple of my most embarrassing moments – like the time I had to go commando to a restaurant dressed only in my sister’s ugly coat, and the time I fondled a strange man at the video store. As much as it pains me to admit it, there are others – but this one ranks right up there. This is the first (and perhaps only) time I’ve ever talked about it to anyone else! Be prepared, as it has an “ewwwwwww” factor, so you may want to finish any snacks before we continue.
I don’t know a kid who hasn’t, on occasion, gone “digging for gold” – and I was no exception. But I clearly remember the day I learned that, if it absolutely necessary to pick ones nose, it’s a job done best in private. I was in fifth grade and our teacher, Mrs. Peterson, was giving a rather long-winded lesson. I was a bit congested that day and really needed to blow my nose – but no tissues were immediately available and I was not allowed to get up from my desk and go to the restroom. I figured I could just pick out the offending booger and flick it on the floor or stick it under my desk – so I put my elbows on my desk, cradled my chin in my hands, and then surreptitiously inched my pinky finger towards my nostril. I made contact almost immediately, and withdrew my finger and the booger…but as I moved my hands away from my face, a long strand of snot followed. I immediately put my hands back to my face, but now the strand of mucus was ON my face – hanging from my nose, caressing my lips and attached to the booger that was on the end of my pinky.
I quickly thought through my options – and there weren’t many. If I got up and bolted from the room, not only would I get in trouble, but every eye in the place would be on me. There was not any scrap paper in my desk that I could use as a makeshift tissue. By this time, there was just too much snot (and it was much too wet and sticky) to just flick on the floor or wipe on my desk or pants. So, I decided to do the only thing I could think of…I would just pull out the rest of the snot and hide it in my hand until I could go to the bathroom and dispose of it.
I used my thumb and forefinger to grab on to the strand of snot that was hanging from my nose, expecting to give it a little tug and be done it. Yeah – that didn’t happen. The snot just kept coming, and coming, and coming. I had to use my other hand to help it along – almost like I was milking my nose. Because I was attempting to hide this whole process, my hands were close to my face, so snot was getting EVERYWHERE! Besides coating my hands, it was now all over my cheek, my lips, my chin, and the tip of my nose – and it just WOULDN’T LET GO! I started to panic a little – was I going to have to LICK this stuff off my hands?
I looked around to make sure I was still unobserved – and straight into the eyes of a classmate named Kerry, who was sitting in the desk next to mine. Apparently she had been watching my antics long enough to understand what was happening…and she was horrified and disgusted. If you want to see the exact expression, just take a look at the little girl in this video:
‘Nuff said. So I don’t have to wallow alone in my shame, why don’t you tell me about YOUR most embarrassing moment?