19 Responses

  1. lrconsiderer
    lrconsiderer August 17, 2014 at 2:45 pm | | Reply

    No, I’m with you. I would always, always, ALWAYS rather know. Even if it’s devastating. Because not knowing, and the tangles you can get yourself into in your brain, never ending cycles of possibilities and wonderings and tangents and….oh hell it fucks you up good! (another situation entirely for me, but I get it)

    I’m so sorry you have this to try to manage, but glad you’ve discovered some information and writing and description on it. That has to help a little.

  2. Mandi
    Mandi August 17, 2014 at 2:56 pm | | Reply

    Jana, I’m not sure I can offer you any helpful advice or even words. What you’re going through sounds terrible, and I’m sorry you’re experiencing such a heart breaking amount of confusion. I think you said up there somewhere that what you need to do is focus on yourself. I think that’s probably the best start. Whether than waste your energy on trying to figure out why maybe try to figure out…what’s next for you. You deserve happiness, and you most definitely deserve that period at the end of your sentence, but maybe just maybe, you can write the period for yourself.

  3. Michelle
    Michelle August 17, 2014 at 4:11 pm | | Reply

    I get why you want to know. You want to know because YOU WANT TO KNOW. I get it. I hope you do find out. But more than anything…above all else, I want you to find peace my sister. I’m thinking of you and I am pulling for you.

  4. Terri
    Terri August 18, 2014 at 7:49 am | | Reply
  5. Terri
    Terri August 18, 2014 at 12:49 pm | | Reply

    The above was ‘supposed’ to be a HUG…So here it is HUUUG 🙂

  6. qwertygirl
    qwertygirl August 18, 2014 at 2:16 pm | | Reply

    I find it interestingly ironic that the comfort in this situation came from an action of your husband’s. Sorry you’re having a rough time!

  7. qwertygirl
    qwertygirl August 18, 2014 at 9:41 pm | | Reply

    It’s hard when someone seems to have turned on you, and you can’t understand why. It feels like you (not you the personal, you the collective–substitute “one,” if you will) haven’t changed, and it doesn’t really seem like they’ve changed that much, so WHAT changed?? Why, all of a sudden, are things now different when nothing seemed to change? It’s an unsettling mystery.

    And yes, when it feels like someone is hiding something, it’s VERY disturbing. I found out completely by accident that my husband had a profile on some website for people who want to have affairs. When I confronted him, he said it wasn’t that he wanted to have an affair, just that the interest women showed in him was reinforcing, or whatever. I asked him how he’d like it if I had a profile like that on a site like that. He deleted his (and, as far as I know–of course I can’t be certain since gmail is free, after all, and he could have signed up with an email account I don’t know about–hasn’t put up another one). But that sure was an unpleasant surprise.

  8. maurnas
    maurnas August 21, 2014 at 4:44 pm | | Reply

    You know what would distract you from what he is up to? Having sex with a wildly inappropriately younger man. Just saying…

  9. Inion N. Mathair
    Inion N. Mathair August 21, 2014 at 6:39 pm | | Reply

    Hi Jana:

    First off, we’re so sorry we’ve been ghosts as of late. We’ve been locked away in our writing room trying to finish Book #2 in our P-7 series & have missed our blogging buds (such as you) so much!!! But we’re almost thru & can’t wait to get back to our regular visits again. Now onto your heart-wrenching post! Jana, I’m so, so sorry!! And I mean that from the heart. I don’t know what you’re going through personally. But I live with my mother who does. 50 years into her marriage, my dad went in for flu like conditions & was given 3 months to live. He died 78 days later, on my 40th birthday. She has never been the same. Now…you said that these peoples pain was somehow more profound than yours. And that you’re situation couldn’t be compared to theirs. But I disagree. I think for my mom and these people, it’s a little easier to accept death as a right of passage that we all must go thru. Their loved ones we’re taken by nature; they didn’t walk away from them! Therefore I believe your plight to be far more stressful & painful to the mind & heart!! Having said that, I want to go on a rant telling you what I think of your husband. Only out of pain for you my dear!!! And Lizzi’s right. The “Unknown” can be a far more painful enemy and a wrenching experience than anything he could tell you!! But Jana, you are an intelligent, beautiful, loyal, funny and passionate woman who can rise above this pathetic excuse of a partner!!! View this fork in the road of your life as just that. Now’s the time to seize the day. Your life is just starting. Make plans, keep them, try something new, meet new people while keeping those close to you and supportive just that…close by!!! See life for what it is. A do-over!! And when you feel like it, give Inion & I a call and we’ll have the Ben & Jerry’s ready and the chick flicks for an all-night girl’s slumber party!!! 😉 lol Take care sweety & know that you’re in our thoughts!!! xoxo <3

  10. Sandy Ramsey
    Sandy Ramsey August 23, 2014 at 1:18 pm | | Reply

    Oh, Jana! My heart certainly hurts for you. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I’m glad that you’re writing about it. I hope that helps, even if it’s just a little. I get wanting to know. I would want to know too. My thought would be ‘If I have to hurt, let me hurt for ALL the reasons.’ Tear off the Band-Aid…get it over with. Hurt all at once. I get it.
    It will get better. You know you have support here. Use it.

    Chin up.

If you don't comment, then I'm just talking to myself -- and that is just weird.

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