It always makes me giggle to read posts about search terms that people use to find a particular blogger’s site. Some of my favorites are “duck porn”, which leads to my friend, Michelle. Or how about “shamanic goat skull”, which will take you to Maurna. If you want to know “How to stalk on Facebook”, Aussa may be able to give you some hints and if you want to know “how to make a homemade nipple stretcher” – well, I don’t know if The Bloggess can tell you how to do that – but you may end up at her site anyway.
Usually after reading these strange, but delightful posts, I immediately go into my site stats to see if I have any weird or noteworthy search terms…and I’m disappointed to find that most of mine are innocuous. Stuff like, “Brazilian Blowout”, “Power Pose”, or Diaper Derby Course” – all to the point, very sensible search terms that lead to exactly what the searcher is probably looking for – because I wrote posts about all of those things. It makes a girl wonder if she needs to start posting about things like duck porn and shamanic goat skulls!
So, I’ve been waiting and watching, and now – after a year of blogging – I think I may have enough material to justify my own search term post.
Groping strangers – Not surprising. I did write a post with this title about an embarrassing incident in which I caressed a strange man by accident.
Strangers groping – Well, you would need two to tango in this case – and believe me, the man in question was totally surprised!
Stranger groping me – Are you WANTING a stranger to grope you? Is that a thing?
Groping – Did you mean “griping”? I do a lot of that, also.
Grandma 1971 – So specific! Why not Grandma in 1970 or 1972? What was Grandma doing in 1971 that was so strange or important? And why would I know?
Body cast archive – Is there such a place? Perhaps in a dark corner in the sub-basement of the Smithsonian? I can assure you that the government never asked to archive MY body cast – and it was a beauty, too!
Monkey chewing its balls – I’ve chewed a few monkey balls in my time – but I’ve NEVER written about a monkey chewing its own balls. Is that even physically possible?
Sex with the Bundy’s stoories – I’ve got stories aplenty on my site – a few about sex – even one story about the Bundys – but I don’t believe I’ve ever written stoories about having sex WITH the Bundys. The very thought makes me shiver (and not with delightful anticipation or naughtiness).
What to do if you are scuba diving and start crying? – Just let it all out, girl! Sometimes it is damn scary when you scuba dive (I know this for a fact)! And if you see a great white shark heading towards you, I don’t think it’s shameful to shed some tears (or pee in your wetsuit – although to be honest, I often did that sort of thing when there were no sharks around. Don’t judge – it warms that wetsuit right up!)
Embarrassing snot stories – Oh yes, my friend, you came to the right place for stories like THAT!