I took a break at work today to pee. Since breaks are non-existent at my clinic, I decided to take full advantage of my five minutes of free time and I took my phone along so I could check my email. Yes, I’m one of those people who take their phone into the bathroom with them. I’m careful — I never drop it in the toilet and I always use one of the clinic’s Lysol wipes to get rid of any errant e-coli bacteria that may have attempted to set up a new home on my phone in the few minutes I was actually in the bathroom (you have read about the scary germs that are on your phone — right?)
I entered the code on the keypad so that I could enter the employee’s bathroom and, without paying much attention, I pushed down my pants and took a seat on the commode. My first thought was, “Wow! The seat is COLD today!” But, since there had been a hard freeze the night before and it was still icy cold outside, I figured that the ambient temperature inside was also colder. I quickly did my business, wiped, and stood up – and then realized the horrible truth.
Someone had tinkled on the toilet!
I did a double-take because I could hardly believe it was true. But, sure enough, the seat was glistening with moisture – light yellow moisture – and my ass was wet – both cheeks!
I was stunned! I mean, this was the employee bathroom. It was always locked and you had to enter a damn code to get in! No one but another employee could have done it. That meant it was a doctor – or a nurse – or one of the clerical staff – but even the clerical staff knew the importance of good hygiene, especially in a clinic!
Not just anyone can get in!
My mind was racing through the possible suspects and my face was frozen in a grimace of disgust as I waddled, my pants around my knees, to the sink. I hastily turned the water to the hottest setting, soaped up both hands, and frantically scrubbed my ass. I knew it wasn’t Dr. E – I’d passed him once on my way into the bathroom once and he had left the seat UP – a crime in its own fashion, but not nearly as bad as peeing on the seat. Dr. D used the other employee bathroom – so that ruled out the guys. It had to have been a woman – a HOVERER!
I pulled out a plethora of paper towels, wet them, and scoured my backside, attempting to catch the soap bubbles that were now running down the back of my thighs. Really? What woman in our clinic – which coworker, nay, friend was a hoverer? I thought I knew these women. Hell, we’ve been sharing the same employee bathroom for three years – if it was one of them, wouldn’t this had happened before? Were any of them that revolting?
I grabbed another generous handful of paper towels and dabbed at my ass and thighs, drying them the best I could and praying that I had eradicated any lingering germs. I mean, I’m not a germaphobe by any means – I firmly believe in the five second rule – not in the bathroom, of course, but if I dropped a tasty morsel on a relatively clean floor and no one else was watching, I’d totally nab that bad boy and pop it in my mouth. But a stranger’s piss – on my ass? That was just disgusting!
Maybe I should have use one of those Lysol wipes, just to be safe.
OMG the hoverers are the WORST. They SAY they clean their spray off..but they do not.
Ain’t that the truth! If they are that neurotic about it, there is a full roll of toilet paper RIGHT THERE! Take all you want and paper the seat! As you can tell, I’m still creeped out by the whole thing.
“If you sprinkle, when you tinkle, be so neat and wipe the seat.”
This is what I have meticulously taught my son with autism, and he will do it (albeit usually when prompted).
The idea that a grown woman won’t do this horrifies me.
I have to tell you a secret — women are the WORST! I can’t tell you how many public bathrooms I have been in that terrify me because they are just SO disgusting!
It can always be worse. I’ve read that in China, the women’s bathrooms smell of urine just like the guys. Then, for some reason (they don’t want to clog the pipes?), they put discarded TP in the garbage. Ewwww, right?
At work place (office), everyone is supposed to leave the toilet as they found it. I would be completely in shock if I found such thing so I FEEL YOU 🙂
Hi, Yessica! You are absolutely right! Thanks for reading and commenting! I appreciate it!
Yeah, I’d be put out, too. To the previous pisser: I don’t about your personal potty preferences, but clean up after yourself!
Hubby works in an office tower in downtown Toronto, a city of many cultures. He noted footprints on the commode seat one day.
In researching pictures for this post, I found MANY that showed that type of potty preference (BTW — I love that phrase!) Apparently, you have your hoverers — who semi-squat over the seat — and then you have those who step up onto the seat and THEN squat. Either way — I just don’t get it. According to some of the “are your cell phones dirty” articles I read — your cell phone is MUCH dirtier than the average toilet seat — and we put those things right up to our mouths every day *handing out Lysol wipes to everyone who is grossed out now*
Ugh, so gross. I think you need to get a new butt. Seriously. Your cheeks are now tainted. I so hate that. Wipe up after yourself, for heaven’s sake. *Shudder*
Luckily, the clinic has disinfecting wipes — although they state very clearly they should not be used on babies bottoms, it doesn’t say anything about adults!
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SOO GROSSS
I mean, urine is sterile but STILL JUST ALL THE NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
That pretty much sums up what I was thinking when I realized what I had sat in — Ewwwwwwwwww!
Our employee bathroom is ridiculous. I have found POOP all over the toilet. Clogged toilet left for someone else to deal with. Unflushed toilet. No toilet paper. We are ALL adults here! Clean up after yourselves!
That is even MORE disgusting, April! I don’t know what I would do if I walked in there and saw poop all over the place! Also, I don’t get the whole not flushing the toilet thing — I mean, if you don’t want to touch the handle, use your foot or something, for God’s sake!
UGH SO SO GROSS! I hate our bathrooms at work – we have two and they’re both unisex and men are NASTY and poop at work A LOT. I do admit to hovering but I always wipe the seat if I dribble on it… GROSS. (funny story though)
We have some high grade, medical biological odor eliminator that seems to do the trick when things get stinky — one of the benefits of working in a clinic, I guess.