17 Responses

  1. Considerer
    Considerer January 28, 2015 at 1:08 am | | Reply

    Jana, this made me feel so sad, because this set of feelings is one I relate to SO STRONGLY (well, given I was your inspiration, DUH, but that aside…) because I remember seeing all the interaction and hilarity and connection around me, and not being part of it…or *feeling* as though I wasn’t part of it…and hating it, and feeling crippled and not knowing how to become more.

    It took a sustained effort of very deliberate behavioural alterations on my part to effect the change, and it was often tiring and I often felt overwhelmed by it, but I knew it was worthwhile and good for me.

    As for your Person – I can’t help you IRL…I can only hope that you find one. But as far as the Blogosphere goes, I know that I’ve built up sufficient relationships that I have a pick of several, particularly if things are going wrong or if I need support, from whom I can choose to seek a response. I call them my ‘lifeboats’ and to be honest, most of them stemmed from a time when I was in the absolute depths of despair having miscarried for a second time, and they held me up and got me through that awfulness. I needed them. They still matter.

    As for Sisterwives – you’re not the only person to express envy of that group, and all I can say is that we haven’t done it on purpose to be exclusive, or to leave others out, just that the friendships were there anyway and we suddenly developed a common vision – to share that support and encouragement with others, via the blog, and the project developed from there.

    Glitterbombs, though, my smize-y one, now THAT I can do something about *glee*

  2. Considerer
    Considerer January 28, 2015 at 1:08 am | | Reply

    Fuck did it REALLY JUST EAT MY MASSIVE COMMENT??!?!

  3. Michelle
    Michelle January 28, 2015 at 4:57 am | | Reply

    I get this so much. I really do. I feel stirs of envy or feel left out in a lot of situations. I don’t think it’s weird. Or we’re both weird.

    I’m not good at making friends because I don’t trust easily..but I do have a few women who I go to…even then, we can go for days or weeks or longer without contact and I’m good with that..

  4. April
    April January 28, 2015 at 7:52 am | | Reply

    I too, have become that homebody. I don’t do anything with people that aren’t married to me or that I gave birth to.

    I’m great at ,making “work friends”. people that I talk to at work, who are awesome, wonderful people. I don’t make outside of work friends easily. Partly because “clubbing” is a huge part of their vocabulary and I don’t like clubbing. for those who don’t club, “children” is another part of their world. When your a single mom, finding a sitter can be difficult.

    I have a few friends outside of work, but we are good at making tentative plans and never following through. I’ve got a knack for finding flaky people too, who are awesome when they actually get together with you, but are not so awesome at actually following through with concrete plans, instead they “forgot” or did something different.

    I feel a big disconnect between me and most people, like we travel on different wavelengths. I cannot flake out. I’m too rigid (?) for that. If I say I’ll be there, I will be there. Friends don’t understand why I get annoyed when they don’t show when they say they will. I don’t like clubs. I don’t like to bash people and gossip. I feel older than them all a lot, when we are the same age.

    I’ve made a few internet friends who I LOVE and I can call them for anything. My best internet friend, I’ve never met her in person and I WANT to so badly.

    So to wrap up a long rambly post, I suck at making friends 🙂

  5. Terri
    Terri January 28, 2015 at 8:40 am | | Reply

    I get offended/envious/pissed right the eff off at times when I know that I am being left out. (which in my opinion is constantly by one person in particular). It hurts to know that I don’t cross the mind of someone who I ‘thought’ was a close friend. Although, I must admit, that I am getting better at just letting it roll off my back. I refuse to chase after people to spend time together just doing whatever, which turns into me just being on my one-sy a LOT of the time. It takes two and I get right weary of being the planner all the time. I just find that people are just too damn flakey just too damn often. I can’t be bothered with being passed over or disappointed over and over again, so I just learned to stop trying to bring things together. Is it lonely? Yup, at times it sure is, but I have my Mum/Dad who actually enjoy my company and never let me down.

  6. Beth Teliho
    Beth Teliho January 28, 2015 at 10:48 am | | Reply

    Jana! I saw you in my inbox and thought to myself, I love Jana and haven’t been to her blog in a while, I need to visit her and say hi….not even knowing what this post was about! I’m so glad I got to read this particular post because I SO GET IT. I really do. I’m super introverted and it takes a vewy long time for me to make close friends (just ask Lizzi). If others didn’t reach out to me and make the effort, I’d have exactly zero friends. I’m getting better, though! At least I think I am.

    Bottom line: Keep reaching out. Keep interacting. Keep talking to people. It’ll happen. You are fabulous and lovely and sweet and amazing. xoxoxo

  7. Annie
    Annie January 28, 2015 at 11:07 am | | Reply

    I think you are SO totally normal. I think most people (whether they admit it or not) have these same feelings from time to time. Friendships are hard, and finding that person you totally click with, who totally “gets” you? That’s even harder! But sometimes, you find gems in the most unlikely of places.

    Don’t stress about it. Chances are, your “person” is already in your life… you guys just haven’t had the chance to get to know each other well enough yet. And even if you haven’t found your “person”, there’s one out there. You’ll find them. Guaranteed.

  8. eva
    eva January 28, 2015 at 2:06 pm | | Reply

    we think we will “grow up” and it will all get sorted like it does in books, TV. etc – partner, friends, work etc. etc. Then we get older and realize “growing up” is largely a myth and all those things and/or people we thought we would have (or keep) – not so simple. You are fighting the good fight my dear with honesty and panache – that is all you can do (and it’s more than most) – keep it up.

  9. April
    April February 3, 2015 at 12:38 pm | | Reply

    I would LOVE to know when you’re a grown up. I’m 34, two kids, working full time, but in my heart, I don’t feel “grown up”. I keep wondering what that is

If you don't comment, then I'm just talking to myself -- and that is just weird.

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