I hated my name when I was growing up. I didn’t know anyone else named Jana and instead of reveling in the uniqueness of the name, I felt strange and different – and no little girl wants to be different. I really wanted my name to be Belinda Marie – but my little sister got that name instead…lucky bitch! I wasn’t the only one of my siblings with a different sort of name. My parents also had a penchant for taking a normal name – like Alan, and spelling it differently to make it unique – like Allyn.
It must have rubbed off on me – I named my firstborn Mysti Dawn. I thought it was pretty and it created a vivid picture in my mind. I was lucky she was a girl – if she had been a boy, she would have been called Leo Blaze – because stupid names sound awesome when you smoke weed. When daughter #2 came along, I wanted to name her Crystal Star – because…pretty mind picture! The Loser nixed that idea, but he came up with his own unique name for her – In over 25 years, I’ve only found one other person who shares it.
Mysti is currently pregnant with my second grandbaby – a boy this time! The other day she asked me for some name suggestions and I couldn’t really think of anything off the top of my head. However, I work in an OB/GYN office and we have a bulletin board where we post some of the announcements for the many babies our docs have delivered and today I noticed that there were some really different names up there. Then, it occurred to me that I could look up all the names of the baby boys born in the past year in our hospital and send Mysti a list of names that might not be in a regular Baby Names book.
After looking through just two months, I decided that perhaps Mysti should not borrow any names from this particular list. These are real, honest to goodness, names of baby boys born in the past year. I promise! Somewhere in my city, little boys are crawling around and their mommy calls to them using one of these names! What were their parent’s thinking?? I’ve put them in easy to read categories for you.
How the hell do you even pronounce that?:
Your son is going to hate you when he’s old enough to understand what you’ve done:
A badass sounding name is not always a great idea (take the word of someone who was going to name their son “Leo Blaze”):
I’m sorry, son – your parents are huge geeks:
- Kal-El (yes, that’s Superman’s real name)
- Raiden Wolf (you know, the “fatality” guy from the game Mortal Combat – the “Wolf” just adds extra pizazz)
- Lando (if he ever has a brother, his name might be Chewbacca)
Then, there were those names that deserved to stand alone:
- Zappa Wolfgang – his parents apparently had eclectic musical tastes.
- Peregrine – because there is nothing that says “I love you” like naming you after a bird of prey.
- Kale – see above, only worse because you’re named after a vegetable no one really likes.
- Fenix – when you’re named after a city, but your parents don’t know how to spell.
- Rocky Bear – Wha?? I’m just baffled!
Did you like your name when you were little? How about now? What’s the best, worst, crazy name you’ve ever heard?