8 Responses

  1. Michelle
    Michelle May 22, 2016 at 2:29 pm | | Reply

    I love you. That puppet freaks me out too. You do what you need to do. If you want, you can come here and get my house ready to sell for room and board. I mean…you know…just throwing it out there. haha.

  2. endurovet
    endurovet May 23, 2016 at 7:02 am | | Reply

    You’re so ON POINT here, Jana…
    I, too, am one of those compulsively planning control freaks, and I SO thought I had things all figured out w/M – after all, he spent so many years reeling ME back in when I KNEW he was bad for me! & even though we didn’t have the ideal marriage, by comparison it seemed no worse than “average”, I was committed to riding this one out…
    Too bad he kept me embroiled in legal & emotional turmoil, #DVbyProxy – or as I like to call it, the 17 Years’ War! DS will be turning 18 in 3 short wks so I’ll be able to drop THAT end of the rope at least…
    But as you say, it’s hard to sort out what I want to do w/the rest of my shortening lifespan (returning to MDA for evaluation at end of June, which may REALLY spark some Deep Thought). H2 “seems” committed to me, but in many ways my 2nd marriage has a mere “mostly amiable roommates” vibe – & I take primary responsibility for the lack of deeper intimacy & connection… P’s the lifelong bachelor; I’m the one who has Been There Done That. I’ve told myself so many times that we can make our marriage into whatever form works for us, and as a former therapist asked me: do I really want to start all over training ANOTHER one?!? (NO)
    I’m conflicted too – I love my farm, I’ve gone thru hell to keep it, but was it worth it?
    I resent the responsibility it represents, I’m tired of supporting 8 employees on the sweat of my brow, I fantasize about selling out & traveling w/my ponies (as a friend of mine did, trying to score an endurance ride in every contiguous state – but she kept that husband for support!) – who knows how it’ll all turn out when we all grow up??!!??

  3. maggiemayat50
    maggiemayat50 May 24, 2016 at 5:39 am | | Reply

    I just moved about 60 miles away from my stomping grounds of 30+ years. Im literally still unpacking boxes, so the move is fresh and everything is brand new. I’m close enough to keep my current job because I only go to the office 2-3 times a week during non-rush hour times. These 60 miles have shifted me to an entirely new world. The people, the area is quite different. It puts the Hunter a mere 5 miles to his daily job.

    I feel possibilities opening because I have left behind the familiar. I know I have to work harder to find friends, an infrastructure of care (gym, doctors, housekeeper, Petsitter), but that’s OK. I’m not doing this alone as you would and I still have my moments of doubt. I think your therapist is trying to jar you out of your routine. The familiar is easy.

    As for “women of a certain age” meeting men – I agree that is tough for the over 50 crowd. The men can go younger and often do. The competition in my area is fierce online and through networking. I think you need to do what feels right for you. If you are continuing to grow and learn and Doc is as well, perhaps this new relationship between the two of you is the solution. It’s only for the two of you to decide.

    I think you are thinking clearly and rationally. Don’t underestimate a good job – they are hard to find. Good luck!

If you don't comment, then I'm just talking to myself -- and I do too much of that already.

%d bloggers like this: