I give up! I quit! I’m throwing in the towel, bowing out, and saying uncle. I think I’m done with the online dating thing.
Perhaps I was just too trusting in the sincerity and goodness of my fellow-man. While I knew that there were douche bags out there who are just after one thing (as exemplified by the guy whose initial greeting was, “We could be naked by nine!”), if someone reached out with a fairly normal salutation, I responded in kind.
However, after my experience with The Frenchman I encountered a rash of similarly English-challenged suitors. It soon became apparent that these fellas were not actually local at all, but instead scammers of some sort or another, intent on catfishing or…I’m really not sure what.
To be honest – I still don’t get it. What is the end game for these guys? Power? Fun? Money? Are there actually women out there so desperate that they fall for them without even meeting them in person? Would they actually give these scammers money if they were asked?
Not me – and I’ve had enough. I’ve decided to have my own kind of fun with these charlatans – and because I’m all about sharing, you get to come along for the ride.
The other day, this cheerful gentleman sent me the following greeting:
“Permit me to say you owe me 99%”? What does that even mean? 99% of my heart? 99% of my money? Ahhhh – 99% of my skepticism! That’s it!!!
I visited his profile, where I read such gems as “I am been a widow for 8 years, it’s has been very hot time for me but now I’m ready to love again as I’m retired,” and “I’m really good at praying as am a Christian.”
I threw out my opening salvo – and then he turned on the charm:
But wait, there’s more!
What a shame – I let him know the bad news. However, he wasn’t done telling me how wonderful he was:
He didn’t even pause for breath:
That last question I asked? I figured I would see how sharp he was regarding my local area. Any self-respecting New Mexican would know that I was referring to the broadcast antennas, tram station and restaurant. Apparently he wasn’t a self-respecting New Mexican, because he proceeded to give me an unrelated lesson in architecture.
Ah, the perfect set-up:
Finally, he seemed to realize something might not be right:
I haven’t heard from him since. I am just not having ANY luck getting to France with one of my online dating prospects! 🙂
Mysti and I were reading this at the same time and it had us both laughing out loud.
Allyn was here for the weekend and he actually encouraged me to mess with the dude. He is SUCH a bad influence! LOL!
haha! hilarious! I love it!
As long as there are online dating scammers, I should have plenty of material for my blog 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
If I had an ounce of gold for every message I’ve gotten from similar dudes/scammers, I’d be able to afford a trip to Paris.
Great responses back btw! LOL!!!
I still just don’t get what they are after — that’s the part that really bugs me. What is their motivation? If I knew, then I could play along so much better!
They are after money. They will try to woo you then once they think they have your affections, they will tell you they need money to get them by because they A. Can’t cash a check they have in the country they are staying. B. Want to come visit you but don’t have the money until they land in the USA. Oh and then promise to pay you back when they meet you. Or C. Will send you the (FAKE) money order and or check to cash and then forward some of the funds to them. You would then end up in big trouble with your bank! I read a very funny story of a man who drove a scammer crazy by pretending that he kept having snafus along the way while getting the money. He said stuff like the wind caught the check and the city workers were in the sewer trying to retrieve the check. wish I could find a link to this funny story, but here’s a recent one I read about a guy responding to a scammer with Adele lyrics. Enjoy!!!!! http://whoatastic.com/2016/07/09/guy-trolls-facebook-scammer-adele-lyrics-go-crazy/
That is hilarious! I kind of figured as much (which is why I told him I was looking for a good man to share my “much money” with). It’s sad if there are women out there who actually buy into that.
HAHAHA…this made my Monday morning more tolerable. XOXOXOXOX
Glad to assist! There is probably plenty more where that one came from 🙂
While I thoroughly enjoyed your conversation, I’d advise you to now change your Facebook password – who knows what the guy is after! 😛
Thanks for the advice, but I only use my online dating apps to communicate with people — so there is no danger that he has my Facebook (or any other) password. If prospects pass the “sniff” test, then I give them my Google voice number for calls or texts — so they never even have access to my real phone number.
I just realized that “sniff” test sounds kind of nasty and/or kinky. But I think you get the idea (it’s like when you sniff at leftovers in the fridge to see if they are rotten and/or potentially deadly. In the case of online dating — the “sniff” is actually common sense and some investigative work).
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. What a lot of palaver! I hope you find a good one soon.
My second strike happened, not that this one was a romantic prospect, just someone to know…but she knows all about her past lives, right back to viking days *sigh*
Wow! I can’t even trace my past lives back to…well, to my latest past life 🙂 BTW — you are the girl that knows all the words! I had to look up palaver. I’m now looking for a way to use it in a conversation (along with mercurial — one of my favorite words, as well as a way to describe myself quite well).
Ohhhhh I like mercurial! I can’t remember the nuance of it though – I’ll have to look it up!
(things have moved on – I’ve now heard how some ill-advised yoga tilted her into a mental hospital. How do we meet ’em?)
I love this so many times. As a current online dater, YIKES. Thanks for the Google Voice tip. Love this!
Thanks so much! Here’s another tip — when you set up Google Voice, don’t forget to set up your voicemail greeting and then I suggest you call yourself (at your Google Voice number) to hear it. I didn’t do that the first time I gave it out, so the voicemail was telling the dude that it was a Google Voice number. I guess I shouldn’t care that the guy knew I didn’t trust him enough to give him my real number — but I like being discrete.
Hilarious!
Thanks Amy! I’m glad you liked it!
I gave up online dating years ago. I get really lonely every once in awhile and think I might try again, and then I read other people’s blogs who are trying it, and realize that I don’t want to dip my toe in those waters again. I don’t think I have the energy, or the patience, for any of that mess. lol
Hi there, I’m a researcher who is looking into the catfish phenomena and I’m currently investigating the experiences of those who have fallen victim to this. If you are interested please can I ask you to do this survey https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/XVKFYGR